Friday, August 30, 2019

What'd I miss? (Reviewers Get Reviewed Part 3: Revenge of the Singer

Good morning to my loyal BC nation.  I'm back!!!!!  I've taken the last few years to focus on myself.  I went on a diet (I've lost 350lbs!), changed my eating habits, and spent the last few years studying in a Buddhist monastery cut off from the rest of the world.  But now I'm back!  



So what did I miss?  Oh, the #MeToo movement has taken off and is bringing to light sexual predators and their shitty behavior?  Good!  Bout damn time.  Donald Trump is President?!?  Shit.  That news is testing my ability to stay on my new diet.  I can do it though.  No sheet caking for me anymore. What else is new?  Katie Lewek got a bad review? Um, ok. What did the review say? Body shaming??!?!?  Alright, fuck this.  Someone get me my writing Oreos.  It's time to get back on the anger eating horse.  Apologies to the horse...


“I can always count on you, Croissant.”


Bari-Chunks has already addressed this stupid trend in opera reviews.  We've written a couple posts about the horrible actions against Tara Erraught (A taste of their own medicine and Round two. Ding. Ding).  What the fuck gives these reviewers the right to write about how people look on stage?  Have they looked in the mirror?  Well guess what mutha fuckas! “If you’re gonna be an ass, daddy’s gonna buy you a looking glass” You'd think these idiots would learn...

"They criticized this????"

I've met Kathryn Lewek.  I've heard her sing.  Her Queen of the Night is INSANE.  It's the best I've ever heard.  And on top of that, she's an amazing person! She’s incredibly kind, humble, down to earth, and just plain awesome so any review that criticizes her is going to get a minimum one raised eyebrow from yours truly. But…let's see what was written about her performance of Eurydice in Offenbach's Orpheus in the Underworld.

"Fat."  
"Buxom."  
"Fat woman in tight corsets spreading their legs."  

DA FUCK?????  Oh, they also praised her high notes, so that makes everything ok. 🙄 Ok, and who is the Grade A, top shelf snack who saw fit to judge another person's appearance?
  



 Manuel Brug

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Really?!?!?!  This ass-hat even doubled down after being called out on Twitter for his idiocy.

 #NailedIt

Oh this is too easy.  I'm not even going to write in a paragraph form.  I mean, one of the suggested image searches of one of his pictures is a sketch of a suspected murderer!!
I mean, those eyes do scream "I've got toes in my fridge!"

I'm just going to list my reviews of this grumpy ass pinecone. 

Brug looks like the Dollar Store version of Bert and Ernie's love child.

Love is Love 

Brug looks like a crowd scene extra from a Christopher Guest movie who got cut for stealing all the pastries off the Kraft services table

Brug's professional pictures look like he juuuuuust trusted a fart that he really shouldn’t have…every single one.

Brug looks like a man accused of leaving dead rabbits on several people's front stoops.

Brug looks like he absorbed his conjoined twin in the womb and that’s the story he tells first at any social gathering

Brug looks like Mr Bean's older, unsuccessful brother Mr. Beano who doesn’t get talked about in his parents Christmas letter


Brug looks like he dresses his pet birds in matching scarves. 

Brug looks like he wears ascots, and only ascots, when he’s home alone

Brug looks like he volunteers to do police lineups for sexual crimes.  

Brug looks like his neck beard is growing a neck beard.

Brug looks like a man with so few friends that he took four professional photos and not one person told him his glasses and collar are crooked in every.single.one.

Brug looks like he practices giving himself high fives.

Brug looks like he has a mouth full of raw broccoli and hot cheetos at all times

Brug looks like his favorite movie is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Brug looks like he’d tell you to put the lotion in the basket or you get the hose again.

I mean I could do this all day. How does it feel Mr. Brug? Are you enjoying yourself? Why would you think it is appropriate to comment of a performers weight/looks? 

1.    Performers have little to no control about how they are costumed in any production and I think you know that. So really your beef should be with the production side of the coin but it’s pretty clear your real problem is with women and their bodies fitting into the very small lens that you deem attractive enough to be respected so let’s just call a spade a spade here.

2.    Why the fuck do you think it's relevant? It's opera! It’s story telling, fantastical story telling at that, and guess what? Plenty of stories are told everyday by people who look different than your purview. Based on Ms. Lewek’s storied career, she’s told many more of them and at a much higher level that you ever have or could. Your level of ignorance is mind blowing. 

3.    The fact you doubled down on your ignorant, hateful stance is just more proof that you have no place in "journalism." I invite you to take your seat in your rightful place -  out back with the garbage!


-thedeparted












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